Once upon a time…a few years ago, I dated a guy named Vince. Vince is a father. He and I were just going on dates casually and spent time with each other when it was possible. All of this happened in the span of 2.5 months or so. It came to a point where I was wondering if I would get to meet his daughter. When the time came I had a few questions for him.
I asked him if he was sure about it. I knew how much he loved her. He never hid that he was a father. In fact he often shared stories of his daughter. You could really see the love. And this made me wonder if he was really sure he wanted to expose his daughter to a woman he was just seeing. He responded with a resounding, she’s my daughter, I wouldn’t let her meet anyone I didn’t feel safe around. It made my heart calm. But there was another question. The response this man gave me is something that will forever stay with me.
I had asked Vince what his relationship with the mother was like and if she would care. He told me about how he doesn’t care what she thinks. He loves and protects his daughter. He went on and shared that as much as he doesn’t like the mother of his daughter, he really did care about her at one point. They had dated for years. He knew the importance of respecting people and being that example for his daughter. I had learned previously the reasons why he and his ex didn’t work out and why he didn’t like her. But, never once did he use crude or hateful words.
It amazed me and got me thinking. As much as he didn’t like her he still spoke kindly of her. It makes me think about what kind of impression I leave on people. It makes me think about the health of the relationships I’m in. It makes me consider the character of a person based on how they speak of their past relationships and experiences. It makes me evaluate myself. I’ve noticed since then that I am on good terms with every guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with. I’m on good terms with every guy I have gone on dates with. And no I’m not actually friends with all of these guys, but it’s not uncomfortable if I run into them. I can have conversations with them. I can respect them and they can respect me.
It was a great new perspective and lesson learned. Thank you Vince K.