The Next Step After a Break Up

I got news that a friend of mine was dumped. It was a bummer to hear and it was so sad to hear that this wonderful Lady’s feelings got hurt.

I got to thinking about how boys can be dumb. And how frustrating this whole dating thing can be so difficult. How dating at a BYU school can be so much of a game when it doesn’t have to be. And I thought about what to do as a friend and how I had coped with a break up and finding happiness again.

Here are a few things I always try to do after a break up.

1. Feel those feelings. Try to figure out what went wrong and what you could’ve done. But, create a deadline. 

Spend a day or two or a few being mad, angry, sad, confused, or however you feel. Think about how angry you are at him. How disappointed and confused you are. Blame him. Say what you are thinking. You are entitled to it. Write it out, sing it out, say it out loud to no one, or say it to your mom or sister or friends or even a stranger. Express those feelings in any tone of voice you please, you can feel those feelings.

But, create a deadline to stop feeling those feelings. It’s not that it isn’t okay to feel those things, it’s because you can’t have your total existence be sad and depressing.

2. Go workout. Go get your feelings out in a physical way and get hotter at the same time. 

There was a time where one of good friends suggested and bribed me to go to the gym with him to get over a guy and it worked. Do something physical. Try kickboxing, lifting weights, Zumba,  but do something that is high energy and around other people. It’ll be a good way to release a lot of energy and be challenged.

After the more intense working out, I always do yoga. Yoga can be intense and it can be a relaxing. But yoga is about combing mind, body, and spirit together. It’s embracing our body and where we are at. All at the same time being able to be open and challenge ourselves. Yoga is great about relaxing and releasing the stressors and complications in our bodies and in or minds.

In a Hatha Yoga class I had taken years ago, my instructor had us go into downward facing dog. This exercise was about releasing ourselves. We were instructed to hold that pose and think about everything that is consuming us. That we’re feeling sad or hatred or frustration about. Think about how you can fix it or if you could’ve. As long as we were thinking these things we had to continue holding downward facing dog. One of the reasons why I loved this exercise and continue to do this exercise is that when you can no longer hold that pose and you go down into Childs pose that you let go of it all. Stop thinking about your troubles all together and just focus on breathing.

3. Next, removal of gifts and reminders. Give them to him, throw it in the dumpster, or donate but remember, be reasonable. 

Start gathering the things from him, intended to be given to him, or remind you of him. With these things figure out what you can throw out. Be reasonable. Figure out what you should give to him. Maybe that gift you intended or were waiting to give him. What can you regift? What can be donated? What can be resold? What do you want to keep?

There’s nothing wrong with keeping perfectly good slippers that he got you or a bracelet, or whatever it may be. You can keep sentimental items, you always want to remember people for their good. But really think about what you keep and what you get rid of.

4. Do something for you. 

Do something for you. Eat a whole bucket of ice cream, or buy something pretty for yourself, splurge a teeny bit. Go on a trip. Spa day? Take care of yourself and do something for you.

I often go and get a hair cut or recolor my hair. It’s a signal for change (and it’s one I get to control).

But don’t forget…there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry. It happens. And it’s hard. It’s okay to not be okay right away. Don’t forget to express your feelings to the people who care about you. It’s okay to tell people you’re sad and hurt. It’s also okay to move on and start new and liking someone else when you’re ready.

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